I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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