Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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