If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
