I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize