We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
