I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize