I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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