Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
