Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
