Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
