if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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