thus making me awesome and them whores
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
