So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
