My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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