he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
