I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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