dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
