Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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