so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
