I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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