I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize