there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
