party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
