Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We have started to decorate penises.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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