Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
