I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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