I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
