I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Are we still banned from the library?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
