but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
