Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
