remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
