OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
