I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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