oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
