I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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