How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
