Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
