took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Drake has all the answers
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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