Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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