I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
