I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
