She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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