So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
