Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
