ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
