By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
