I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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