Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just pee around me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
