I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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