I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
