Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
