And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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