my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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