Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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