Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
