I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
