She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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