she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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