last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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