I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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