there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish I only lived at night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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