Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
