Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
