Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
