Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
A bitchslap is in order.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
