I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
