while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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