why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
