Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
