3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hippo gnu deer
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
