i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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