I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
