Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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