so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
