somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
