i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize