I accidentally had phone sex last night
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
