Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
