I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
