Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
