Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
