On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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