you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize