can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
