i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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