when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I want to fling myself into the sun
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
