Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
