His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
