She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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