I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
