So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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