I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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