woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
