We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize