wakey wakey hands off snakey
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize