Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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