This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
