if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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