im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
