I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
