You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
sex in a hospital.. check
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
