hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
porn star boner night. come get it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
